11 days to christmas

    I cannot believe how fast christmas has snuck up on me this year. Maybe I have been too busy to notice! The boys are doing good, a little sick right now, but they are happy to have a tree up and presents under it.
Christmas will be different this year without a doubt, a lot of firsts.. I'm finding that the more times goes by, the more i miss my brother.. I wish he was here because in so many ways he is like my best friend , someone who is always there when i need him. Hes been strong for me when I couldnt be. I cannot wait for him to be home.

    Lately I've been thinking back to all the years of being a little kid, being home with my family and how care free I was. Sometimes its hard not to want to go back to those days, I am trying very much to enjoy every part of my life i enter into, some days are easier. I miss the excitement you experience as a child, over the simplest of things, I remember my dad coming home from work, going somewhere with my mom, playing dolls with my sister or even cars with my brother. Now im in the real world where there are bills, car payments, living expenses and sweet little boys who seem to need everything they lay eyes on :)

   I am at a place where i am truly becoming happy and content with me, accepting myself and trying to love ME. as well as trying to be ther person God has made me to be, Im seeking him and trying everyday to do what he wants me to do. He has a plan for me!
 `

Update on the boys

I thought I would give a little update on the boys other than just pictures on facebook.

Riley-   Well Riley is now almost 3&1/2.. Full of energy and questions. He loves being a big brother and helping me especially with cooking & baking lately. Who ever said  two's is the worst clearly hadnt met a three year old (haha). Riley is growing into his "big kid" version and some days he wants to be a "little baby like brother" but he is doing great! Fully potty trained now, i thought the day would never come but here we are! As much of a challenge as he can be at times he is such a joy to have in my life and i am so thankful for both of them.

Parker- is 17 months now! Time sure has flown by even faster with him. He is the sweet and sensitive one who is a total "mama's boy". However he has no trouble holding his own against brother, "bubba" as he calls him :)
Watching the two of them together is better than anything i could have imagined. I am so excited and looking forward to all the fun they will have together. Something that really excites me is the thought of watching them play sports, and even more so on the same team. I think they'll be pretty good given their genetics ;)

Forgiven

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve beenCause I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ

I will praise You in this storm

I'm not always sure why I am where I am in life. Its hard to always have faith that things will be "ok", but i am trying to praise Him in this storm....


I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Getting Started

I wanted to start blogging as a way to get my feelings out an also to share my family's life & experiences with extended family & friends. I'm at a place in life right now where, emotionally, I am forced to relearn a lot and basically start from scratch. For a very long time now i have only identified myself as a wife & mom. While i will always be their mom i also feel its very important to find ME again. Somewhere along the way i lost track of me and forgot that to be the best person i can be in every aspect of my life that i first needed to be true to myself.

to be continued....